Skip to main content

Hormonies and the Flurry of Shame

Menfolk, feel free to skip this post. It's about to be way TMI up in here. 

Also, if you work with me feel free to skip this. 

With the pending nuptials coming up in just under 2 months (!!!), I've started taking birth control. I'll spare you the details, but suffice to say this is my first go-round with them. While the Bearded Wonder and I love children, we want to enjoy being married for a few years first. Do some traveling, get a dog, you know, the uze'.

So. The birth control regimen started on Monday night, and by Tuesday night I was a raging hot mess. Everyone says, "side effects may include mood changes, in/de-crease of appetite, etc.".

Ha.

What they fail to mention is the seething rage that makes you want to rip the faces off of those you love. Not because they've done anything other than happen to be in your general vicinity. What they also don't mention is that you'll burst into tears at the drop of a hat, or at the site of your extremely cute desktop background which you forgot you changed yesterday.

Not that that happened to me the other day...
What they also fail to mention is how debilitating it feels to have absolutely no control over your emotional state. I wrote an e-mail to my sweet Bearded Wonder trying to again apologize and explain this is all the devilish Hormonies, and I finished it in tears. At my desk. At work. 

The last few days have been a literal roller coaster of emotions, raging from boredom/depression to seething rage to weepy tears. As a female I'm prone to the "occasional" mood swing, but this is just ridiculous. This is a pandemic of epic proportions. 

Tuesday night after church, I was so mad at everything/everyone, that I drove through the McDonald's drive-thru and ordered an Oreo McFlurry (henceforth known at the Flurry of Shame), and ate it angrily at red lights on my way home. Then I cried when it was done because it was a poor decision and I didn't want an upset stomach later. Then I cried yet again because I looked like a typical fat kid lamenting the loss of her ice cream. 

It was a bad night. 



I feel like I should be locked away, kept from the public's view and out of harm's way of others. I want to sit in my room, watching re-runs of How I Met Your Mother or Big Bang Theory, and gorge myself on a gallon of ice cream smothered in Magic Shell. I want to cry while clutching to a stuffed animal that Beardy gave me, lamenting the rage I feel at physical contact. I want to hug people and not feel like it's an obligation, or like I need to get away from them quickly. 

My friend informed me that since I'm not used to hormones coursing through my body, there's a good chance this may take a few weeks to level out.

I. Can't. Wait. 
I will admit I started this post on Wednesday night, and am happy (eek!) to report that things are looking up. Yesterday was the most normal I've felt all week... It was like a ray of sunshine into a sad and crappy pile of... sadness. Today I'm feeling marginally moody again but with a deluge of fatigue. But at least the stabby rage is subsiding. 

Anywho. The Hormonies are hopefully leveling out, and the Flurry of Shame is behind me. Thank God. Punch me if I eat too much crap though; I'm an amazing emotional eater. ;-)

What do you guys do when upset? I eat. Obviously. =p

<3
A Redhead

Comments

  1. Oh hon, I'm so sorry. I had to start taking BC a few years ago to regulate my periods (they would knock me out for days - do you remember me throwing up in the cafeteria at school?!). I remember it being a roller coaster ride when I started, too. BUT! The really good news is that it DEFINITELY gets better. I'm pretty convinced now that birth control is the best thing ever. Good luck! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Glad you're feeling more like yourself!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Shame Eating

I found the above image on the interwebs and it always makes me laugh. All.the.time. It's kinda true though, right? IF you've ever had any kind of food addiction then you know the sweet sweet embrace of "one more" handful of kettle corn (ahem), or "one more" piece of bread, or whatever.

I was joking with my co-worker that I might as well be shame eating out of the Costco-sized bag of Kettle corn on my counter in the dark, licking the sweet and salty remnants off my fingers. That I can't be trusted alone with it. That I grab a bigger-than-small bowl and PILE it up, lamenting the few rogue pieces that make it to the floor.

Another colleague overheard us and said she used to do that with angel food cake. She would sit it on the passenger side and just drive, picking at the fluffy confection. I know a girl who could knock out an entire family size container of Sara Lee pound cake.

So friends, those are a few confessions. Using the powers of anonymity that y…

Frustrations & Fertility

The Bearded Wonder and I got married on a sunny Saturday afternoon in September 2013. Barring a few minor hiccups, the day was pretty perfect. Per the (unfortunate) societal norms, people started asking questions like "So, next comes baby, right?" or "When are you guys going to start popping out kids?". 
Between me, you, and the Internet, I was a virgin when I got married so I was in ZERO rush to start having kids. I wanted to enjoy being married for awhile, hopefully travel, and just settle in to living with this person I'd never lived with before. 
It's funny to me now, looking back on those first few years. The Bearded Wonder had some job transitions which led to some tight finances. We got by (not without help), but I was in a constant state of fear that I'd get pregnant. We were just floating with the 2 of us, but adding a baby in the mix? Yikes. Definitely not the right time. I remember calling my best friend in a panic, "I'm craving hot…

He Likes Big Butts and He Cannot Lie!

Do I have any fellow big booty girls in the audience? Or I suppose big booty brothers? Maybe? Anywho. I've had a rather prodigious posterior for my entire life. I think part of it is that I've always been a fat kid, and part of it is probably genetics. Even when I lost weight in high school, it was still pretty hefty. In fact, I recall walking with a friend of mine and hearing 2 guys behind us talking. "Look at that fat a**", his friend said "where" and the other guy said "the one on the right".

I was, of course, the girl on the right.
It's a moment that's resonated within me for a long time. That happened in probably 2003 while I was a young 16 year old, and 10 years later it's still a moment that occasionally wraps me up in it's insecure and hateful arms.

It didn't help that a year or so later I was in a parking lot with friends, feeling cute in a spaghetti string tank top and jeans, and a complete stranger drove by and yell…