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Bittersweet

This post was initially written on March 29, 2021.  Going through infertility of any kind is so unbearably hard. I can't speak to everyone's experience, but as a couple who's had "unexplained infertility", it feels like perpetual waves of grief.  It feels like hopelessness. It feels like everyone's getting what you so desperately want while you sit there with empty arms. It feels like constant heartbreak seeing joyful posts of new pregnancies. It feels like isolation because you turn down invitations to showers and parties, for fear you won't be able to not  cry.  It feels like you're being punished because biologically nothing is wrong but you still don't have a baby. This has been our reality for the last 3 years and 7 months. Being open about our journey has been so rewarding but now it's taken the hard turn. I have to tell the sweet women I've been commiserating with that my turn is here. I'm pregnant.  Of course I know exactly what
Recent posts

IU-I-can't-stop-crying

As you may have read , we have been having a hard time conceiving for 3 years now. We finally decided to move forward with doing IUI in June. A couple weeks of monitoring via bloodwork & ultrasounds, a mock IUI where they do the procedure with saline, some extra hormones, a trigger shot in my butt, and we got our date for the procedure: July 1. We kept the news close to our chests; a few friends knew it was happening, our pastor so he and his wife could pray with us, and while our parents knew we had started the monitoring, they didn't know when the procedure was going to be. Of course I clung to the absurdity that my pregnancy still needs to be a surprise 3 years in to trying. The actual procedure went beautifully. In fact, as I was splayed out on this table with my feet in stirrups while a really nice doctor inserted a catheter into my uterus, I heard a familiar tune over the PA. Do you know what it was? "2 Become 1" by the Spice Girls. "I need some

Quarantainment

Good Lord, y'all! You certainly know how to make a girl (and, by proxy, Bearded Wonder) feel the love. There may have only been 4 comments on the last post, but there were dozens of comments on Facebook, text messages, phone calls, Marco Polos, private messages... It was overwhelming in the best possible way. <3 From the bottom of our hearts, we're grateful for all of you and the support we've received in the last week. Sharing that was a terrifying decision to make, and now I wonder why I waited so long! SO. Now on to something a little lighter, I'd like to discuss.... Quarantainment. In case you're living under a rock (or pulling a Jared Leto ), global citizens are social distancing to try to let COVID-19 run it's course and stop infecting people. That's the Cliff's Notes version- you guys get it. Instead I'd like to list some options for entertainment during quarantine, more aptly known as "Quarantainment".  1. Rea

Frustrations & Fertility

The Bearded Wonder and I got married on a sunny Saturday afternoon in September 2013. Barring a few minor hiccups, the day was pretty perfect. Per the (unfortunate) societal norms, people started asking questions like "So, next comes baby, right?" or "When are you guys going to start popping out kids?".  Between me, you, and the Internet, I was a virgin when I got married so I was in ZERO rush to start having kids. I wanted to enjoy being married for awhile, hopefully travel, and just settle in to living with this person I'd never lived with before.  It's funny to me now, looking back on those first few years. The Bearded Wonder had some job transitions which led to some tight finances. We got by (not without help), but I was in a constant state of fear that I'd get pregnant. We were just floating with the 2 of us, but adding a baby in the mix? Yikes. Definitely not the right time. I remember calling my best friend in a panic, "I'm crav

Things I've learned with weight loss...

I know it's been awhile, but here I am! I sort of broke up with the 21 Day Fix. In true Redhead fashion, I found ways to "cheat" while still staying on the plan. I hired a friend of mine who was sort of doing nutritional counseling. Basically I started tracking my food, eating super clean, focusing on the glycemic index, and on gut health. Combined with my efforts starting in January, I've now lost around 46 pounds. I know. I KNOW. I can't believe it. Until tonight when Timehop showed me a picture from 2 years ago, I didn't see the weight loss. I saw that my face looks thinner, but I didn't see everything else shrinking. I can't believe I'm about to put this on the Internet, buuuut here goes: I was determined to not be a "fat AND sad" person in my "before" pics. :)  So here are some things I've learned while losing weight: 1. I physically take up less space. Sounds like a "duh" statement,

A Fat Kid's Honest Review About the 3 Day Refresh: Day 3!!

IT. IS. FINISHED! I know, I survived. I lived to tell the tale. You know guys, it's really  not that bad. I had a headache last night (presumably from the lack of caffeine) and a brief headache this morning (which was quickly quelled by a black cup of iced coffee), but overall... It really wasn't that bad. In fact, I told the Bearded Wonder already that I'd totally do this again. I generally wasn't hungry unless I missed a snack time waited too long to eat. Everything was really filling. Though funny story, the last 2 days, every time I drank my Vanilla Refresh shake, I tasted corn. So weird. This afternoon at lunch I was looking at the ingredient list, and what's the 3rd ingredient? MAIZE. It's apparently for protein. Gross. Don't get me wrong, I love corn. I have nothing against creamed corn. But my shake with fresh pineapple and coconut extract in it still tasting like corn? Not  a fan. It was so weird. Imagine a shake made out of this. Y

A Fat Kid's Honest Review About the 3 Day Refresh: Day 2

Day 2 is just about done. Suffice it to say... It was a bit more rough than day 1 . I felt pretty good after yesterday so I figured today would be just as easy. Eeeehhhhhhh.....  Don't get me wrong- I was super chipper before I drank the Fiber Sweep this morning. See? I took a picture for you guys! Told you it looks disgusting. Thankfully it doesn't taste like it looks Here is today's lowdown: 8am: ~10 oz. water 9am: Cafe latte shakeo with 1/2 banana, cinnamon, 1.25 c. water, ice 10am: Fiber Sweep 11:30am: Green tea (I ended up sipping this over the next couple of hours just because of my schedule) 12:30pm: Vanilla Fresh shake with vanilla extract, cinnamon, 1.25 c. water, and ice, 1/2 banana, spinach/strawberry/avocado salad with vinaigrette. (My shake was so gross today, you guys. So gross.) 4:45pm: 1 c. veggie broth with chopped up herbs (I was desperate for food and made this really quick. More on that below) 6pm: Vanilla Fresh shake blende