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2014

I was trying to think of a witty title for this post, and I bounced between spoofing Strong Bad....

(I probably would've gone with "The New Year, The New Year, what what The New Year")
Or rephrasing Salt 'N Pepa.

"What a year what a year what a year what a mighty good year"
I'm such a 90's kid, I can't even function.

It's New Year's Eve, friends! How do you feel about your year? Did you forget all of your resolutions from last year? Are you a miracle worker who managed to accomplish any/all of them? Personally, I've held the same resolution every year since college:

Don't make resolutions. 
Boom. Done. I'm pretty awesome at not making resolutions.

They're so stressful! Why do we do this to ourselves?! "I have to lose 50 lbs this year!" "I have to read 20 new books this year!" "I have to travel to 3 different countries!".

You know what? Life happens. And it's not because you set "resolut…

Pictures don't have to be worth a thousand words

Let's jam for a second.


Mr. Gaffigan* has a point up there. How many of us walk around feeling like we're all that and a bag of chips (mmmm chips…), and we either see a picture of ourselves or see ourselves in the mirror and we're like "Gah! Who IS that?!"? I know I've had those days. Lots, and lots, and lots of those days.

Shoot, I felt that way about some of my wedding pictures. Terrible, right? Greatest day of my life to date, I received tons of compliments and felt like a mermaid princess the day of, and I see certain pictures and my illusion was shattered.

It had absolutely nothing to do with my photographer, but with my own perception of myself.

It makes me wonder which matters more: how I actually look, or how I think I look. Does one matter more than the other? A friend of mine and I were talking about this article, as the author so eloquently states something so many women (and probably men!) can relate to:

"How is it possible that a double chin …

He Likes Big Butts and He Cannot Lie!

Do I have any fellow big booty girls in the audience? Or I suppose big booty brothers? Maybe? Anywho. I've had a rather prodigious posterior for my entire life. I think part of it is that I've always been a fat kid, and part of it is probably genetics. Even when I lost weight in high school, it was still pretty hefty. In fact, I recall walking with a friend of mine and hearing 2 guys behind us talking. "Look at that fat a**", his friend said "where" and the other guy said "the one on the right".

I was, of course, the girl on the right.
It's a moment that's resonated within me for a long time. That happened in probably 2003 while I was a young 16 year old, and 10 years later it's still a moment that occasionally wraps me up in it's insecure and hateful arms.

It didn't help that a year or so later I was in a parking lot with friends, feeling cute in a spaghetti string tank top and jeans, and a complete stranger drove by and yell…

I CHALLENGE YOU TO A SQUAT!

OK I know I just posted, buuut I found this on Fitocracy and it's inspired me to do it. It's a squat challenge. Make that booty pop! Twerk* what your mama gave you! Shake it like a salt shaker! Other silly motivational sayings!!

Join me? I've got 2 people who've already said they're going to do it. I'll be checking in on you all periodically, so don't think we're not watching.

Now, since I just found it today, we're going to do day 1 Today, Wednesday the 4th. You can do this! Can you imagine how your toosh might look though after 31 days? I mean seriously.


Leave a comment if you wanna join the booty revolution. ;) 
<3
A Redhead

*Note: If you don't know what "twerking" is… bless you. Don't google it, don't look up "Miley Cyrus twerk", don't ask someone to demonstrate. Just live in your bubble, and be thankful you're in a happier place than the rest of us.

The McRib is… Broke. Or maybe just sore.

So Hubbins and I have joined a gym near our house.


I know I know… "It's a waste of money", "you have a free gym at work", "are you actually going to use it?!" blah blah blah. I know.

Buuuut. 1) We got a stupid good deal on it and paid less than ½ of what we would have if the membership hadn't been through his job. 2) Paying for a year-long gym membership IS motivating, because I don't want to just watch our money disappear. 3) I honestly just hate going in the middle of the day at work.

So anywho. The gym we joined is faaantastic. It's shiny and pretty and has a pool and it brings all the happies to the yard. Or beefcakes to the weight room. Or fatties to the lifting area (like me! =D ).

As a pseudo-segue, have I told you guys how ridiculously skilled I am at hurting myself? No seriously. I managed to dislocate my knee in my sleep. In. My. Sleep. I truly am a master, and I don't even mean to be. That's how good I am.

So anyway, I ma…

Sometimes I throw things.

I ran into the house and threw my arms around my bear of a husband, "15 minutes!" I panted, "I have 15 minutes to get ready!". I kissed him on the mouth, threw my purse down on the counter and my coat on the couch, and ran up 2 flights of stairs to our bedroom. I stood in front of a row of dresses trying to catch my breath and lamented that I hadn't shaved my legs in a socially acceptable amount of time. "Tights…" I muttered. What was I going to wear with tights? Do I even know where my tights are? Trying to think quickly, I grabbed my bin of socks (and occasional hosiery) off the shelf and sorted through quickly trying to find those elusive black hose.

Getting frustrated that I still had yet to be dressed, and that 5 precious minutes had passed, I tried on outfit after outfit- hating each more than the last. This one's too tight. This one's too short. It's too cold for this one. This one's too big. All of them were wrong in some way, …

Treat Yo' Self

Today is a Monday, which generally speaking tends to bring groans and moans. However, today, I want you to treat yourself.

A friend of mine e-mailed me this morning and said "I feel fat and gross today! Blech!", and I 100% get it. I agonized for an embarrassingly long time (read: 20 freaking minutes) about what to wear to the gym because I felt like a fat face in everything I put on.

I agonized over what to wear to the gym. THE. GYM. I ended up putting on a baggy shirt, then deciding it was too baggy and I looked like a bag lady (see what I did there? Eh? Eh? Shut up it's early.). In my mind, I couldn't win in what to wear to go get sweaty in. How lame, right?

Somedays we just hate how we look. If you're a woman, it's probably an innate feeling that you have a hard time shaking. If you're a man, you probably still have days like that. I'm sorry for all of us for those days when we feel fat and gross and want to wear a trash bag to the gym.

So. On thi…

Fifty Shades of Awesome

This marks my 50th post friends! Woop Woop!!


Yaaayyyyy!! I have a few other posts drafted in my box right now, but I decided that my 50th would be dedicated to being overly happy with yourself. Why?

Because on Twitter there was a terrible trend going around with hating on men and women of above-average size. I'm being vague with the actual phrasing since I don't want to promote their hate tag and show up in their analytics. Especially after I just read that the originator of said "movement" called it a raging success.

Yeah, no thanks.
The body positive movement has been picking up steam the last few years. Amazing men and women are stepping up and saying "Hey, let's love the fat kids. You're beautiful as you are.". Don't get me wrong, you need to be healthy. Your health comes first. But I'm a fat kid and healthy as a [non-punny] horse. If you've got the diabeetus, blood pressure through the roof, and you haven't seen the outside worl…

What's Your Excuse?

I can't find my sneakers.
It's too hot out.
My clothes are all dirty.
Where's my gym bag?
I can't find my sports bra.
(grumble grumble grumble)
So what's your excuse for not working out? The top [lame] excuse has been mine the last few weeks. Since we moved into our house, I literally cannot find my sneakers. I thought they were in my gym bag, which I also couldn't find, but once my husband (hehe) found the bag, I discovered there were still no gym sneakers.


I've been living a blissful yet slightly fearful state for the last month-ish because I haven't weighed or measured myself since before the wedding. I also haven't worked out since before the wedding. You understand my fear now, right?

But the time is nigh. Last night Hubbins and I went to a running store and we each got fitted for fancy new sneakers. The girls were both super helpful: they had us stand on this fancy little machine where they checked our arches, then had us walk on a treadmill t…

You may be a fat kid if...

*UPDATED!* (at the bottom) (because that's how I roll) (also people posted hilarious things on FB.)

 - You hear *plink plink plink* from across the room  and assume they're M&Ms hitting the ceramic bowl. Your heart rate quickens.




 - You scoff at someone who claims they don't remember what a Cinnabon tastes like. YOU fantasize about that cinnamon-y confection anytime you're within 5 miles of a shopping mall.


 - You don't count your super sweet coffee in your daily sugar allotment. Because it's coffee.

 - You can't find anything to satisfy "the spot", so you eat something healthier and feel sad inside.

 - You eat a second dinner because you got hungry talking about food. 

 - The waiter comes by asking if you want more bread and you give them a look often confused for a deranged psychopath.



 - You wait until that guy in the office with the candy bowl goes to the bathroom so you can attack the candy with gusto and he doesn't know it was you.

Wh…

Cooking for 2-ish

Hey err'body!

Hubbins and I have been making an effort to cook at home more. We both looove to eat out, but we've been working on our budget and eating out all the time just is not conducive to saving money. Sad but true. We're attempting meal planning and everything. This domesticity thing is weird.

Yesterday we made homemade sloppy joe's, and holy mother they were good. It was basically lean ground beef, ketchup, mustard, barbecue sauce (we were supposed to use vinegar and didn't have any), salt/pepper, green peppers, shallots, sugar. So. Darn. Good.

It's been fun though trying to find different recipes, especially ones that are easier to make and healthier. I bought a pre-marinated salmon filet the other day for under $7, and it'll probably have leftovers for the next couple days which we can use for lunches too. We're getting zucchini and squash to roast along with it. WE SHALL FEAST LIKE KINGS! And on a budget!! I am woman, hear me roar!

We've …

"Bikram" is slang for "Dear God make it stop"

So this actually happened back in March of 2012, but it recently popped up on Facebook and I got some super fun and positive feedback on it. My friend is insistent I share it with the [tiny*] masses, so I've tweaked it a bit and uploaded it here for your viewing pleasure (or disdain, if you're into that). Enjoy! :) 
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I hate a lot of things in the world… Things like tomatoes, terrorists, and the neverending Northern VA traffic. My newest nemesis in life? Bikram yoga. It’s not even that I just hate bikram yoga: my one night experiencing it was painful. I’m a firm believer that I should try something before I pass judgment. This is my saga.
I’ll start at the beginning. First I had to swing by my local watering hole (the closest Sunoco) and buy 2 liters of water and get cash (the yoga place isn't into plastic and they advocate hydration). I walked in with my head down hoping to avoid…

Life, death, and the tacos inbetween

Oh friends! It's been faaaaar too long! Just over a month, ey? Let me fill you in with a smidge of what's been going on in the redhead's world....

1. I GOT MARRIED!! I know, right?! How crazy!! For some suh-weeet pictures by my friend James, check out his blog here and here. Yep, that second post is all me. Weird. The self-conscious side of me is like "AAAHHHHHHH NO PICTURES OF JUST MEEE!", but the newer body positive side of me is all "HAY GIRRRRRL". Marriage is basically my favorite thing ever (I know, it's only been 2 weeks), and we are totally the gross newlyweds that are mushy gushy. No shame in our game.


2. My uncle sadly and unexpectedly passed away. =\ I know, right? Massive downer, especially considering it being 3 days before my wedding. It was basically a hellish time for my family, and there's sadly still a lot going on with this. =\

3. We bought a house! Yep. We closed on the house September 10th, a whole 4 days before the wedding, …

Expectations vs. Reality

Expectation: I've started working out and eating healthy so I'm going to instantly drop 100 lbs of water weight. Right? (I'm exaggerating here. ;) )
Reality: I've started working out and eating healthy so I will *hopefully* lose 1-2 lbs per week.

Expectation: I've been working out for 4 months and have seriously changed my eating habits. Even if I don't go to the gym every day I should still drop some serious inches! Rah!
Reality: I've been working out for 4 months and while my eating habits have seriously changed, that doesn't mean I get some "get out of jail free" card to sit on my butt. Don't go to the gym? Don't lose the inches.

Expectation: Goal weight in 6 months! Wooooo!!
Reality: Goal weight?? What about goal health? Goal waist size? Goal lift number? Screw the goal weight.

Often times my expectations are not very realistic. Case in point, all of the above. I assumed once I changed up my eating habits I would just instantly drop 5-1…

Of pizza and fudge [cake]

There comes a time in every girl's life when she has to make a choice.

1 slice or 2?

"It's margherita pizza, redhead. How bad can it really be?"

I stood in line at a local pizza place eyeing up their margherita pizza with it's circular discs of cheese, smattering of tomatoes, and dried basil leaves. "Yeah, how bad can it be?"

Sometimes in life you order 2 pieces. Sometimes those 2 pieces come out to you falling off of 2 paper plates. Sometimes you look and say "SWEET MERCY I'M ONLY EATING ONE OF THOSE!!".

Today was not a day to only eat one of those.

Well to be fair, it was, I just didn't bother to acknowledge that until I'd plowed my way through ½ of my second slice.

I can sit here and rationalize that I dabbed up a TON of oil, and it's thin crust, and blah blah blah, but bottom line…

There was also chocolate fudge cake


I know, right? I looked at the cake I'd said I'd split with my wonderful friend, and thought "C…

799

I didn't want to go to the gym today you guys. Not one bit. In fact, when walking out of my room this morning, I stared at my gym back for several seconds and finally resolved to bring it "just in case".

I've been sleepy today and feeling super lazy. The wedding is in less than a month (!!!!!) and house stuff has amped up to cray-cray level. I e-mailed 2 of my gym buddies today (one of whom is also getting married next year), and they both had work stuff to do.

"YESSS!!!!", I screamed in my head, "I DON'T HAVE TO GO NOW!!!". I confessed my lack of desire for gym time today, and naturally they responded exactly the opposite of how I wanted them to:

"Get your butt down there."
"You can do it! Just have a light day!"
"Less than one month… do it!"
"You'll hate us today, but thank us later!"

Jerks. Where's the support for laziness, eh? ;-) I made the mistake of saying something to my sassy Puerto Rican b…

Phew!

Hi everyone!

I'm sorry there's been a lack of posting; the past week has been a whirlwind of the Sharknado variety. That's right, I just said that.

Anywho. I didn't go to the gym a single day last week. I know, right? I was bummed out, but I literally had an appointment or something I had to do for house stuff every darn day of last week. I figured if I wasn't going to the gym, I should at least try to keep my eating under control, which try I did! I was craving chocolate the other night, so I bought a dark chocolate truffle bar from Trader Joe's.

Here's the thing about me and dark chocolate. I like it, it's good, but I don't love it, so it's really easy for me to eat a tiny amount and feel satisfied. I think a serving is 4 sections and 180 calories. Weellll I eat 1 section and it's 45 calories. Holla!! But it's so rich that I don't feel like I need or want anymore. It's a pretty good feeling. =)


So I was talking on the phone wit…

Shame Eating

I found the above image on the interwebs and it always makes me laugh. All.the.time. It's kinda true though, right? IF you've ever had any kind of food addiction then you know the sweet sweet embrace of "one more" handful of kettle corn (ahem), or "one more" piece of bread, or whatever.

I was joking with my co-worker that I might as well be shame eating out of the Costco-sized bag of Kettle corn on my counter in the dark, licking the sweet and salty remnants off my fingers. That I can't be trusted alone with it. That I grab a bigger-than-small bowl and PILE it up, lamenting the few rogue pieces that make it to the floor.

Another colleague overheard us and said she used to do that with angel food cake. She would sit it on the passenger side and just drive, picking at the fluffy confection. I know a girl who could knock out an entire family size container of Sara Lee pound cake.

So friends, those are a few confessions. Using the powers of anonymity that y…

Of Kettle Corn & Yogging

I saw this on Fito the other day as someone's profile picture and I've basically been giggling about it since. I don't know if it's the tattered stuffed animals, the ironic poster of "I <3 Pain", or the fact that I'm fairly certain I make the same face when lifting sometimes.

I'm not proud to admit that my eating the last few days has been less than admirable. I am proud to admit though that 1) my body image continues to improve, 2) my water intake is higher, and 3) I've survived one whole day of the Couch to 5K program. To be fair, that ONE WHOLE DAY in all it's splendor was spread out over 2 days, but you know what? It's more than I would've run otherwise!!

I don't run. 
I don't yog*. 
My lovely friend Laurie suggested a podcast for a Couch to 5K program, and I surprisingly like it. Now mind you, my idea of running is getting away expeditiously from someone chasing me. It's not fun, it's not on my priority list, h…

What's good, home skillet?

This journey started on/around May 1st, and here we are almost 3 months later and you know what?

The results.
We see them. 
I measured myself yesterday as I normally do my measuring somewhere between the 23rd and 25th of the month. My results were a little less than they've been in previous months, but darnit I still lost 3.5 inches!

Math time. You know how much I hate math. But according to this post, and the fact that I just mentioned my 3.5" gone, that means I've lost 14 inches!!

14 inches! In just under 3 months!! AAAHHHHH!!!!!






So good. So, so good.

Working out has officially become a habit, which is something I never thought I'd say or would be excited about. I feel gross if I don't go every other day, though weekends tend to not count. I may be trying my first crossfit class with the Bearded Wonder this Saturday. It's a free class offered at one of the studios in the area, and given how much I love saving money, why not go with it?

I do feel like I've…